Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
