Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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