he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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