Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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