2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
