I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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