Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
