I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize