how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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