so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
