this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
