I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
