Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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