ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can I color on your dick again?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
