we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
