i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
