Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
