I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
