Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
