I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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