hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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