Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
