so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
