so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
