I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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