I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
