my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
