If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
