my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
