Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
