A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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