Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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