Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
