Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
