OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize