Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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