I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i now understand why vodka
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
