this boner is exhausting
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
