I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
