How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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