i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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