yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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