He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That accounts for only three of the penises
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
