can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
