dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
