I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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