All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Floor bacon is actually really good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
