Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

Your favorite bartender is back from prision

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(905): View more from Ontario

Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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(818): View more from California

Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.

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(850): View more from Florida

the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend

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(505): View more from New Mexico

If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.

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(714): View more from California

The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb

(714): View more from California

What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft

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