Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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