Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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