that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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