My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
