We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
