The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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