i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
