Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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