I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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