I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The struggles of a small town man whore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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