That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
