Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
