I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
